Eternity

It wasn't until I was dead that I learned that life keeps living. Buried in my bedsheets, pulled high over my head, but I wasn't warm, I wasn't cold. I was dead. In the dark my eyes were open and closed. My breath was trapped underneath with me, barely leaving my mouth, warm, I inhaled it back in. I couldn't turn myself over, my arms were pins and needles, useless meat laying next to me in silence.
It was quiet, there were no clicking noises, of electronics or pipes interred arround me, no rushing cars on the gray road, no footsteps up above of people walking over me.
Stillness. Unending stillness extended out around me, it was piled on top of me, a heavy weight that I couldn't reach or move away, and I was tired, not willing to scrape my nails bleeding into it, not willing to gouge it out and have it come crashing down on me.

But the alarm clock exploaded, and it was time for the dead to begin living.

Brrrrrrrrrrr

icicles took my fingertips
i'm tired and out of gas
12:00 was the last exit i left
mile marker 4:15
ready for the freeze to
crawl up my sleeve
the window crack
the fight to get home
stay on the road
but today's end is a
good end
a quiet wakeless slipping
into
warm
waters.

Memory

Driving around looking for memory in the middle of a snowstorm wasn't the wisest thing to do. The car was disguised in white after every stop, and I didn't find any memories out there that were as cheap as the one sitting at home. Still, the radio played songs by Jane's Addiction that had to be over 14 years old, and the driving was slow, as slow as that one time when we almost didn't make it up the hill and the car flailed around like fish spawning against the current. I mailed away for a memory. Hopefully it's mine and it fits.

but when the mail came and i reached into the engulfing crisp cornered envelope it was me that was lost while my memory was found on the floor by the cleaning lady's chores.

That's the Way

I am the ice cream man waiting for my ice cream to
I am the music man waiting for my
and I adore my overlord
I shook shackled hands
renewing our agreement.

I am the wanderer and his shadow wondering where his
I am the trumpeter of bad news trying to tune my
and I adore my overlord
I was cast in a spell
with lips that kissed and Killed.

I am the unbounded, bound inside of me
I am the possibility, I chose to be
I am the infinity curled back on its self
and I adore my overlord
the finite
with infinite possibilities.

unlocked. (who gives a shit)

the more i read the more i hate the more i don't care the more i wonder the more i think the sadder you seem the same you seem the more you'll never change.

you had a chance to wake up,

but you pounded the snooze button

into a heavenly eternity

of

oblivion of yes-men

but, no men

butt-lickers.

--------------------------------------------

"Of all the places I'd like to be

it's in a room with no t.v.

open windows and company

with smiling faces to say

that they missed me."

-Pants Yell! "Two French Sisters"

Waiting for Susan to come Home.

because I can still see snow on the streets,
but the trees are taller eventhough the houses still face
the same direction
but the paint is different, the world is smaller
and I am bigger.
and I am bigger.

In a room that I never lived in I live
In a cold upstairs basement of thoughts I dig and
dig.

I constantly get up and look out the window
at the plowed street
looking for tire tracks in the driveway-snow.

the headphones clamp music to my ears
the desk I sit at was once yours
but I'm sorry I can't remember the way we used to be.

I saw movies of pictures moving
you jumping in the kiddie pool
my fat belly covered in green plaid.
riding bigwheels down sidewalks I don't remember
led by mom-so-young, younger than us,
and we fought with rakes, and bounced in the pool,
and you skinned the cat on the swingset,
and dad did
and grandpa did
too.